The end of the calendar year can hold many significant events, dates, and special occasions that can stir up grief.
You may be experiencing a loss of a loved one, a pet, a break-up or dealing with an unexpected, painful ending - this is when losses of any kind are most felt - whether recent or long ago.
Now the festive season is approaching, it’s important to plan and prepare for these occasions to protect your emotional well-being.
𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗱
While in the past, you may have looked forward to the holiday season and special occasions, the loss of a loved one can leave you feeling ambivalent or even anxious about the occasion.
There may be many positives about the occasion, such as coming together with family, supporting each other, sharing memories, and feeling comforted by rituals and traditions.
However, for most people, there are also some negatives, such as loneliness, sadness and grief over your loss, memories of the road trauma, concern over living up to other’s expectations, and guilt for even participating in a celebration.
The festive season and special occasions will probably never be quite “normal” again, but that doesn’t mean you can’t create new rituals.
As time passes, we usually learn to handle holiday periods and other special occasions with less fear and reluctance. Many people who are living with grief find that these occasions have a bittersweet feeling – happy moments mixed with painful feelings.
Living and Allowing for Grief
Here are 4 keys to assist you to support yourself, or someone who is grieving, during these times.
1. Plan and prepare for events
The lead-up to an anniversary or event can often feel worse than the actual day itself.
Stress, anxiety, and ambivalence are very common.
A way to reduce some of the stress is to consider the following and make some decisions before the day:
∙What will help you cope with the day?
∙ What do you want to do for the day?
∙ Who do you want to spend the day with?
∙ If there is someone would like to be around who understands what you’re going through at this time, get in touch with them and ask if they will help you in this way.
∙ Practice some responses to people wishing you a “Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays”. You might want to keep to a simple answer such as “thank you”, “I will do my best” or “you too”, so that you don’t become overwhelmed by trying to explain how you feel.
∙ If there is someone would like to be around who understands what you’re going through at this time, get in touch with them and ask if they will help you in this way.
2. Practice compassionate self-care
Taking good care of yourself physically and emotionally is important when you are grieving.
A balanced diet and regular exercise can reduce stress on your body.
Time out to grieve and rest, away from others’ expectations, is also important.
Try not to overschedule yourself or ignore how you are feeling.
Allow yourself to cry if you need to, but also do some “grounding” activities such as going for a walk in nature, visiting the park or beach, or simply taking some time out of a busy schedule to have a cup of tea in your garden and reflect.
Be aware your feelings may be quite intense at times, as many people find it unsettling when they feel that they have been coping quite well with their grief and suddenly begin to feel like they are not coping.
Acceptance and patience are the key to allowing these feelings to come and go.
Generally, once the event or season has passed, you will find yourself returning to your normal way of feeling.
It is also possible to experience positive emotions at this time.
This is okay and not disrespectful to your loved one’s memory.
It is a sign of healthy grieving to be able to experience moments of happiness as well as sadness.
3. Establish a new ‘normal’
For many of us, Christmas means celebrating with traditions and rituals.
You might find comfort in doing things the same way they have always been done, but don’t be afraid to alter things if you need to.
Remember that your ‘normal’ has changed, and you are trying to live in a different reality now.
If events like Christmas are too overwhelming, you might choose to ‘cancel’ them for the first year, plan a trip away, or decide to do something completely different such as volunteer at a charity event.
4. Talk about your feelings
Once you’ve decided what you will do on the day, talk about it with your family or friends. Being honest that it’s a difficult time for you, and letting them know what you need, can be helpful for everyone involved.
Friends and family often don’t know what you want, how to act around you, and what to say. They may, for example, be unsure whether or not it’s okay to talk about your loved one to you and may feel worried about upsetting you.
Also know you’re allowed to ‘change your mind’ on the day. Even the best of plans can be cancelled. Let your loved ones know how you are coping, or even that you don’t know how you will cope on the day, and that you may need to cancel at the last minute or leave early.
The best you can do is communicate your needs and expectations and do what is best for yourself and your immediate family.
Try to focus on the things that you can be grateful for, or that bring you comfort, rather than the negative things you can’t change or control.
Even if the grief or trauma occurred some time ago, it is never too late to seek help.
If you need further support, I invite you to connect with me and
have an emotionally safe discussion through 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 about what you are experiencing.
For more information or to book an appointment with me use the link below.
♥️
Ｃａｔｈｅｒｉｎｅ
𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘇𝗮 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 & 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀
ABOUT THE AUTHOR & COACH
Catherine is a heart-centred wellness therapist, transformational coach, intuitive counsellor and mindfulness facilitator who specialises in helping you create calm confidence, nourish your self esteem and self-love, build healthy boundaries, ditch perfectionism and people-pleasing, and get out of your own way to achieve the life you deserve.
She offers her wise words, actions, and guidance to help people connect positively with their body, mind, and soul.
Her sessions provide you with real-life the support and the readily accessible mindset tools you need to achieve this.
Thank you for these wonderful tips. I will definitely make more time for Self care during the holidays. This is my 1st time grieving during the holidays. It's not easy and I feel "grinchy" and sad. Keeping close to my faith and concentrating on the true meaning of Christmas helps.