“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”
~Jack Canfield
Here are the ten steps that have helped my clients work through their fear, and overwhelm and foster a life of happiness.
1. Give that anxious worrying voice in your head a name
This creates separation between you and the voice. You are not your thoughts. This is a voice from your ego concerned with survival, and you have the choice to listen or choose a more empowering thought. However, this voice could be sensing real danger, so listen to see if it is a risk to you right now or a potential risk that could happen.
If real, then of course take the appropriate action.
2. The minute you hear the voice, recognise it is a sign that your nervous system is dysregulated and moving into fight-or-flight mode
Then choose to pause and take a few deep breaths. Coherent breathing can help calm down this response. This means take deep breaths in through your nose, inflating your belly for five seconds, and exhale while deflating your belly for five.
3. Create a list of tools you can use when your mind and body are about to go down the what-if train
This might mean lying on the grass, dancing to your favorite song, EFT (emotional freedom technique) tapping, doing a yoga pose, or journaling to discharge fear. The minute you notice the voice, do something off the list.
4. Repeat a mantra to calm your nervous system
Find a statement that helps calm you down and repeat when the anxiety voice is back. My favorite is “If X happens, then I will deal with it.”
5. Get in present moment
What can you hear? What can you see? What can you smell? What can you feel? I like to get outside when I do this. Feel my feet on the grass and take in the moment.
6. Place your hand on your heart and remind yourself you are safe
It probably doesn’t feel that way. But feelings aren’t facts, and your thoughts can only hurt you if you let them.
7. Notice if you have moved into a freeze state
When we first start to worry, our nervous systems go into fight-or-flight mode and adrenaline and stress hormones pump into our body. Then when it all feels too much, we freeze. We’re literally not able to do anything and go into despair.
You can find the tools that work for you to move from freeze and slowly back up to fight or flight and then up to your calm state. It is a ladder with freeze at the bottom and calm at the top. (It’s called the polyvagal ladder.)
You can split the list in point three into what helps you through freeze and what helps you out of fight/flight. A great way out of freezing is movement. Even five minutes of jumping jacks will get those stress hormones pumping. Then do something to calm down through mindfulness or deep relaxed breathing.
8. Choose to dump the thought
Is this something that is a worry for another day? Imagine the worry on a piece of paper, your hand crumpling it and then assertively- throwing it in a rubbish bin and walking away. Or you can even do the above IRL - write it down and put it in the bin physically.
9. Start to notice your mental state throughout the day
Are you calm or triggered by worry?
Are you frozen?
Are you disassociated?
Or is your heart pumping, so your stress response is turned on and you are in fight-or-flight mode?
What tool can bring you back to calm or move you into a regulated state?
10. Write what you are grateful for in this moment
Noticing what’s going well right now can disarm fear.
Slowly, these steps can help you to regulate, discharge fear, and allow your nervous system to heal. You may not have been safe as a child, but you have the power to feel safe now.
You have the power to change your circumstances and remove triggers that are recreating that feeling of unsafety.
Your fear in your body could be very real and giving you information that maybe a particular relationship, job, or environment is not safe for you.
Take notice and make baby steps to create a life that makes you feel safe, as this is the foundation for happiness.
Give yourself what you longed for as a child.
Yes, hypervigilance may be something that got programmed into your nervous system young to help you survive, but you don’t have to let it hold you back now.
Changing, growing, and healing can feel scary and unsafe, but as you take those baby steps to create a healthier you, your confidence and self-esteem will grow.
Your brain will get new evidence that you are safe, and those worrying thoughts will slowly disappear. A new worry may come, but then you can just repeat the process.
These steps helped me stop living life small and in fear and allowed me to go after my big dreams—finding love, progressing in my career, and even buying a house.
Anxious thoughts no longer have to hold you back. Watch them with curiosity and know the steps you need to take to move through them.
𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗞 a complimentary 45 minute 𝗘𝗠𝗢𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗘𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗕𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗞𝗧𝗛𝗥𝗢𝗨𝗚𝗛 𝗖𝗔𝗟𝗟 with me to find out how to take back the power over anxious thoughts and embrace a life of calm and ease!
♥️
Ｃａｔｈｅｒｉｎｅ
𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘇𝗮 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 & 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀
ABOUT THE AUTHOR & COACH
Catherine is a heart-centred women empowerment coach who specialises in helping women create confidence, fully nourish their self esteem and nurture self-love.
Catherine is an expert at helping women break down their own barriers and limiting beliefs so they can let go of the self-doubt and find joy while being unapologetically themselves.
She teaches women how to stand in their truth, show up as their authentic selves, and let go of masks. Women who are tired of dealing with imposter syndrome and who want to get rid of negative thought patterns.
Catherine helps women step into their power and confidently live the lives they deserve and desire. She offers her wise words, actions, and guidance to help women connect positively with their body, mind, and soul.
Her sessions provide you with real-life the support and the readily accessible tools you need to achieve this.
Comments