It is normal to find yourself feeling a range of emotions. The facts of unemployment, financial instability, personal loss of a loved one, social media, and general uncertainty can all wreak havoc on your mental well-being. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), mental health is, “a state of well-being in which the individual realises his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.” We will each have unique experiences—some negative, some positive—based on our different identity. Where you live, your religion, race, gender identity, sexual orientation, age, and many other factors, and how these aspects of your identity interplay, play a role in how you will experience life. Whatever your current situation or mental state, it’s possible you have reached a point in which you have decided to intentionally focus on your mental health needs. Your well-being is paramount. Mental health is sometimes a matter of taking some time for yourself to relax and rejuvenate; mental health is sometimes a matter of crisis intervention, a matter of life or death. Managing mental health is a life-long practice. Healthy communication, too, is a life-long practice. Your mental health needs change (sometimes daily!); therefore, your communication about them will be ongoing. You may make the choice to share your needs with a loved one or seek the help of a trained professional. Expressing your needs for well-being will most likely not be a one-time discussion. Considering the shame and stigma sometimes surrounding mental health and well-being, it takes immense courage and vulnerability to express your experience. Even considering letting someone in on your struggles, pain, or progress, is a huge win. Before you share your struggles for all to see on social media, consider who may be the best, safest, and most significant person with whom to share your mental health needs. Who is a loved one you trust? Why does this person need to know what’s going on with you? What is it about this person that invites your vulnerability? Does this person deserve to know what’s going on with you? Your story is sacred, and though you may not always receive the support and help you desire, it is important to consider why you want to share and what exactly you want to communicate. 1. Set a Clear Intention As you prepare to share your experience with a trusted loved one, consider your reasons for sharing. Are you disclosing this private information because you want to connect? Are you revealing something about yourself because you want to apologise or make amends for your behavior? Are you hoping to receive some help from this person? When you get clear about your purpose, your words will be clearer. When your words are clearer, you are more likely to be better understood and to have your needs met it can be helpful to share your intention at the outset of the conversation. Let your loved one in on the reason you have chosen to bring this up at this time. You may say, “I just needed to get this off my chest; it was eating me up inside” or “I am feeling alone in this and I wanted someone to know” or “I have something going on that I think I need some help with.” Sharing a secret such as a mental health challenge, can have lasting health benefits. Once you are clear on your intentions, prepare yourself with calming techniques such as yoga, meditation or a grounding walk. 2. Make a Specific Ask As you prepare for your conversation, brush up on how to effectively use nonviolent communication (NVC). This technique for open dialogue, in which you listen empathetically and express yourself honestly, is also called conscious communication. Essentially, you should decide what you truly think would help you during this time and ask for it clearly. If appropriate, share what you are already doing to take responsibility for your mental health. Let them know what help you have already sought, what you are currently working on, what resources have you already used, or are planning to use. Though you may be asking for something from your loved one, use “I” statements to communicate your needs desires, or the boundaries you are expressing. If possible, differentiate between needs and desires. You may say, “I am experiencing a lot of loneliness lately. Would you be willing to talk on the phone with me more often? Would a phone call three times a week work for you?” or “I notice I’m feeling irritated a lot more lately. Would you mind if I spend an hour each morning doing my own thing while you watch the kids?” or “I’m feeling unsettled and I don’t know what to do. I’m wondering if you could help me brainstorm healthy ways to cope for when I feel overwhelmed.” And finally, as much as possible, release expectations that your specific request will be met. You might prepare your ask and wish it to turn out a certain way, but the person you share with cannot always meet your needs. 3. Let Go of Expectations Though you are welcome to state your needs, no one is required to meet them. You may make a mindful ask of someone else but, ultimately, you are responsible for taking care of yourself. Though it may sound counterproductive, as you prepare to share your mental health needs, also prepare non-attachment to the outcome. If you have hurt the person you are sharing with in some way, it is very possible that they, and you, will have their own reactions, emotions, and needs to contend with. This is to be expected, and if possible, planned for.  Allow the person you have shared with time to process what you have said, to do their own research, and to come back to your discussion later. You may say, “I realise what I have asked for is a lot. Let me know when you are ready to talk about this again, okay?” or “I know it may sound scary that I am asking for more space. I appreciate you considering doing this for me.” You may believe this person can be of some help to you, and they very well may be, but it’s also possible that they do not know how or cannot help you in the ways you seek. It’s possible they will come back to you with a counteroffer: “Thanks for sharing that with me. I am managing my own well-being right now and although I want to be there for you, I cannot commit to talking on the phone three times a week. Would once a week be acceptable to you?” or “I can tell you have been irritated lately, and I support you having time for yourself, but mornings are really busy for me with work right now. Do you think I could watch the kids in the afternoon for an hour while you have time to yourself instead?” Of course, if someone meets your vulnerability only with dismissal, judgment, or extreme defensiveness, or if their counter-terms are unacceptable to you, remove yourself from the situation and seek help elsewhere. Perhaps there is a trusted friend or confidant who would be better suited to listening to you. It's my deepest wish for you that you are 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗱 in your time of need. ♥️ Ｃａｔｈｅｒｉｎｅ 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵 & 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗶𝘀𝘁

1. You get to say literally whatever you want. Want to call that person who cut you off in traffic a curse word? Go right ahead! Need to complain about your kid’s teacher? Have at it. It’s your space to say whatever needs to be said, take advantage! 2. There is no judgment. We are all human beings. We all do things we aren’t proud of. I can guarantee that the human sitting across from you has made mistakes in their life too. What would it be like to confess to those seemingly dark things you keep hidden away? What would it be like to set them free? You may find that if you choose to let another human share in the darkness, it inevitably has less power over you. 3. It can give you a different perspective. That memory that creeps in sometimes, the one that makes you tear up or get angry and lash out at your kids later on in the day? Well, therapy cannot take away things that have happened to you but it can help you see them differently. It can offer you an opportunity to take some of the power out of the experience. This is the essential nature of healing. 4. It can improve your relationships. Experiencing a relationship with a therapist is unlike any other relationship. There is safety, responsiveness, and hopefully trust that can unlock the pieces of you that become available within that relationship. And then, guess what? You get to translate those parts of you to other relationships in your life. Therapy can provide a corrective experience to relational injuries we may have suffered at the hands of other humans. When someone else can hold loving space for us, we start to see ourselves as worthy of being loved. And that changes everything but especially our capacity to show up in relationships. 5. We learn to be curious. We develop what’s called an “observer mind”. This is a tool we can use to reflect on things. We can notice our assumptions, our patterns, our reactions and begin to see ourselves with curiosity instead of waking up after the fact going, “what did I just do?” This curiosity may lead us to a place where we begin to catch ourselves in our patterns and be able to do things differently. Just last week, I saw myself reacting to a story I had written about an interaction with a friend and was able to pause, observe, and ultimately make a different decision. Therapy works. There are a million other things I could say about the incredible benefits of working with a therapist. However, as someone who has bounced around to different practitioners, I will say that finding the right therapist is important. If you decide you want to experiment with therapy, make sure to thoroughly interview your therapist. It helps if you feel like your therapist can match your values and your energy. The connection with your therapist can accelerate your ability and motivation to do the work for yourself so make sure you take the time to get to know them a little bit! Therapy isn’t the only path. Yoga, meditation, gardening, all of these things have immense benefits. But they can’t really compare to the magic of being witnessed and held in unconditional positive regard by another human being. If love is the cure-all, then therapy is the bottle that holds the medicine. As a therapist, I can almost guarantee that your therapist holds a special place for you in their heart. They think you are the cat’s pajamas. And if not, get a new therapist. You deserve it! ♥️ Ｃａｔｈｅｒｉｎｅ 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗖𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵 & 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗶𝘀𝘁 🫶🏽 𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺 http://bit.ly/3YoF4VC

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